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TSDENISON & COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS' CHICAGO 



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5 LAYS. 



*T25c) 1 9 
PThrs.(25c) 4 4 
Ts Not Gold, 

"Tirs 6 3 

Riches, 4 acts, 2^ hrs. 

*c) 5 5 

frican Hustler, 4 acts, 2^4 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2 hrs. . . 4 5 
Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 8 4 
Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 9 3 

Bonnybell, 1 hr (25c).Optnl. 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2%. hrs. 

(25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 h. (25c) 7 4 
Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs. (25c) 7 4 

Caste, 3 acts, 2 J / 2 hrs 5 3 

Corner Drug Store, 1 hr.(25c)17 14 
Cricket on the Hearth, 3 acts, 

154 hrs 7 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs... 7 4 
Daughter of the Desert, 4 acts, 

2J4 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2J/£ hrs. 

(25c) 8 4 

East Lynne, 5 acts, 2% hrs 8 7 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c)10 

Elma, 1 H hrs (25c) Optnl. 

Enchanted Wood, 1% h.(35c) Optnl. 

Eulalia, iy 2 hrs (25c) Optnl. 

Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 4*4 

From Sumter to Appomattox, 4 K 

acts, 2Vz hrs (25c) 6 « 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, .. 

\y 2 hrs (25c) 9 14 

Handy Andy (Irish) , 2 acts, 1 y 2 h. 8 2 
Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 h (25c) 12 

Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 

Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2*/£ 

hrs (25c) 13 4 

Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs.. (25c) 5 4 
It's All in the Pay Streak, 3 .•, 

acts, 1H hrs (25c) 4 3 

Jayville Junction, \y 2 hrs. (25c) 14 jtf 
Jedediah Judkins, J. P., 4 acts, 

2y 2 hrs ..(25c) 7 5 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 254 hrs (25c) 6 12 

Light Brigade, 40 min (25c) 10 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 
Lonelyville Social Club, 3 acts, 

\y 2 hrs (25c) 10 



, Lartfe Catalogue Free. 
Afferent Price is Given. 

M. F. 

Touva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 2 h. . 9 4 
Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 5 2 

Man from Nevada, 4 acts, 2 x / 2 

hrs (25c) 9 5 

Mirandy's Minstrels. . . . (25c) Optnl. 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr 3 6 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 

3 acts, 2 hrs 5 3 

Odds with the Enemy, 4 acts, 

1H hrs 7 4 

Old Maid's Club, \y 2 hrs. (25c) 2 16 
Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

1J4 hrs (25c) 12 9 

Only Daughter, 3 acts, 1 J4 hrs. 5 2 
On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

2% hrs (25c) 10 4 

Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs 6 4 

Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 

Pet of Parson's Ranch, 5 acts, 2 h. 9 2 

School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1 34 hrs. . 6 5 

Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs.. 6 6 

Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1J4 hrs. 7 3 

Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 2^4 h. 8 3 

Solon Shingle, 2 acts, l l / 2 hrs.. 7 2 

Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min.... 2 2 
Ten Nights in a Barroom, 5 

acts, 2 hrs 7 4 

Third Degree, 40 min (25c) 12 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Ticket-of -Leave Man, 4 acts, 2^4 

hrs ,...8 3 

Tony, The Convict, 5 acts, 2y 2 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 h. . (25c) 6 4 

Trip to Storyland, l l A hrs. (25c) 17 23 

Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2*4 hrs. (25c) 8 3 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 
Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2y 2 

hrs. . . (25c) 7 3 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 

FARCES, COMEDIETTAS, Etc. 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 

Aunt Matilda's Birthday Party, 

35 min 11 

Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 

Bad Job, 30 min. 3 2 

Betsy Baker, 45 min. 2 2 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 

Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2 3 

Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 

Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 

Cabman No. 93, 40 min 2 2 

Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 
Convention of Papas, 25 min. . . 7 

Country Justice. 15 min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



THE ROAD AGENT 

A WESTERN PLAYLET 

BY 

CHARLES ULRICH 

AUTHOR OF 

' The Altar of Riches,' ' "A Daughter of the Desert, " ' ' The Desert- 
er '," "The Editor-in-Chief ," ''The High School Freshman ," 
"The Honor of a Cowboy," "The Hebrew," "In Plum 
Valley, " ' ' The Man from Nevada , " "On the Little 
Big Horn ," " The Political Editor, " ' ' The 
Town Marshal," and "The 
Tramp and the Actress . ' ' 



CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



A& 



THE ROAD AGENT 



CHARACTERS. 

Bill Clark A Road Agent 

Harry Ainsley. . . s a Mining Operator 

Sam Stewart Sheriff of Comanche County 

Mercedes a Woman with a Secret 



Scene — The Sierra Mountains, California. 

Time — The Present. 
Time of Playing— About Thirty Minutes. 
Note— Clark and Ainsley may double. 



Notice.— Production of this play is free to amateurs, but the sole 
professional rights are reserved by the Publishers. 



COPYRIGHT, 1912, BY EBEN H. NORRIS. 

2 
£)CI.D 30564 



THE ROAD AGENT 3 

STORY. 

Harry Ainsley is about to leave for Goldvil.le to close a 
mining deal when he observes Mercedes, his wife, in tears. 
He chides her and seeks to learn her secret, but she frus- 
trates his object and they separate for a time. Stewart, a 
sheriff, arrives at the cabin and it develops that Mercedes 
had some years previously been the wife of Bill Clark, a 
road agent, who was thought to have been killed at the time 
of a holdup. The finding of a skeleton and boots bearing 
Clark's initials led to the conclusion that Clark had been 
killed, and Mercedes, acting upon that belief, weds Harry 
Ainsley, without, however, informing him of her past. 

Stewart informs Mercedes that Clark is alive and a fugi- 
tive. When Stewart leaves the cabin in search of Clark, 
Mercedes resolves to leave Ainsley and hide in San Fran- 
cisco. Just as she is about to take her departure, Clark 
appears and demands that she accompany him. She refuses, 
and when Stewart is heard approaching the cabin Clark 
appeals to Mercedes to save him. She hides him in her 
bedroom, from the window of which he makes his escape, 
only to meet death at the hands of two of Stewart's depu- 
ties. Ainsley returns suddenly and ring's Mercedes in tears 
of joy, as he fancies, over his arrival. Stewart keeps her 
secret and the Ainsley household is enshrouded in happiness. 



CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Bill Clark — A tall, dark man of about thirty years, 
brazen and cowardly. He is a typical ruffian, furtive and 
restless. He is being closely pursued and shows trepidation 
and fear. He wears a rough costume, blue shirt, with red 
handkerchief about his throat, trousers tucked in boots and 
belted at the waist. His hat is broad-brimmed and he is 
covered with dust. He carries a revolver. 

Harry Ainsley — A handsome young man, about twenty- 
five years old, dashing and full of grit. He is well dressed, 
his costume being western in makeup but of a better sort, 
he being a successful miner. 



4 THE ROAD AGENT 

Sam Stewart — A typical frontier sheriff, swarthy, gray 
and about sixty years old. He speaks with a drawl, but 
shows that he is brave in an emergency and generous eveYi 
to his enemies. He wears a broad-brimmed white hat, white 
shirt, with red handkerchief around his neck, trousers 
tucked into riding boots, spurs, and sack coat covered with 
dust. He carries a revolver at his belt. 

Mercedes — A handsome woman of twenty-five years, 
emotional, humorous and shows that she has no fear of the 
dangers attending residence in a frontier settlement. She 
has a secret which preys on her mind and she is sad and 
thoughtful, but her real nature reasserts itself when dan- 
ger of exposure enmeshes her. She wears an ordinary house 
gown of white material and later dons a traveling costume 
with hat, gloves, etc. 

PROPERTIES. 

Table, several chairs, sofa, screen and furniture for inte- 
rior of rough but cosy cabin. Sideboard, decanter with 
liquor and several glasses. Revolver for Clark and another 
for Stewart. Suitcase for Ainsley. Lamp, books and other 
articles for table. 

SCENE PLOT. 



□ DCha,r Cv n 



□ Chair 



Chai 

Table 



a \\Chair 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R. means right of the stage ; C, center ; R. C, right cen- 
ter; L., left; R. D., right door; L. D., left door, etc. ; 1 E., 
first entrance ; U. E., upper entrance, etc. ; D. E., door in 
flat or scene running across the back of the stage ; 1 G., first 
groove, etc. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 



THE ROAD AGENT 



Scene: Ainsley's cabin in the Sierras. A modest inte- 
rior in 3. Window, R. C. in F.; practical doors, R. 2 E. 
and L. U. E. Sideboard, with dishes, glasses, decanter with 
liquor, silverware, etc., between door and window in flat. 
Table, with books, newspapers and the like, R. C, with two 
chairs. Sofa with cushions, and a sombrero, L. C. Skins of 
animals on the floor, with pictures, guns and trophies of the 
' chase on walls. Screen up R. Scene may be embellished at 
will of stage manager, so as to suggest idea of substantial 
comfort. See Scene Plot for stage setting. 

At rise Mercedes sings merrily off stage, R. 2 E., and she 
enters a moment later, R. 2 E., carrying a work basket con- 
taining embroidery, etc. She crosses to table, R. C, takes up 
a book after placing work basket on table, sighs deeply, then 
turns L. 

Mercedes (at C, looking about). Harry not finished yet! 
Where is he? (Calls.) Harry! (After a pause.) Harry! 

Harry (off stage at L. U. E.). I'm coming, sweetheart. 
(After a pause, then crash is heard.) Damnation ! 

Mercedes (laughingly). How shocking! What is the 
matter, Harry? 

Harry (off stage, dolefully). I'm trying to put on that 
dodgasted collar and tie you bought me in Frisco. (Noise 
heard. ) 

Mercedes (sits L. of table, with laugh). Had I known 
they would give you so much trouble, dear, I should never 
have bought them for you. 

Harry (off stage). There" are some crimes one must for- 
give even one's wife, you know, pet. 

Mercedes (starts — aside). Crimes! If he only knew! 
(Aloud.) You are complimentary, Harry. If you care to 
catch the stage for Goldvil.le, you'll have to hurry. I saw 



6 THE ROAD AGENT 

it at the turn of the road from my window just now. 
(Works with embroidery.) 

Harry (off stage). Oh, I'll catch it, or tear this tie to 
tatters ! (Sounds off stage of struggle and muttered im- 
precations. ) 

Mercedes (working at table — aside). I should be the 
happiest woman in all the world, and yet, ah ! can I ever for- 
get my wretched past? Will it rise up like Banquo's ghost 
to confound and destroy me ? No, no ! It is impossible ! He 
is dead and I shall see nor hear of him no more ! (She sits 
at table, her head resting upon her hand, her eyes staring 
into vacancy, her manner one of deep preoccupation.) 

Enter Harry, L. U. E. He is well dressed in "store" 
clothes, with blue flannel shirt, broad-brimmed hat, boots, 
etc. He carries a suitcase in one hand and a red tie in the 
other. His collar is buttoned only at one end and he looks 
in general disarray. He comes to table, sees Mercedes, then 
places suitcase quietly down on floor, creeps up behind her 
and laughingly covers her eyes with his hands. 

Harry (laughingly). Brooding again, Mercedes! (He 
draws her face towards him and looks at her reprovingly.) 
Really, I am either a bad husband, or you have some dreadful 
secret gnawing at your heartstrings. Which is it, Mercedes? 

Mercedes (pulling herself together with an effort). I, a 
secret ? Why — 

Harry (kissing her). We've been married only three 
months, and here you are moping like an old maid who's lost 
her last chance to win a husband. Now, why is it, Mer- 
cedes? 

Mercedes (agitated). You don't understand, Harry — 

Harry. Yes, I do. I saw you crying last night. Have 
I ever given you cause to weep, sweetheart? 

Mercedes. No, no ! 

Harry. We've been married, as I said just now, three 
months. An eternity — 

Mercedes (reproachfully). How dare you say that, 
Harry ? 

Harry (zvith a laugh). Eternity of love, darling. 



THE ROAD AGENT 7 

Mercedes (rising and kissing him). That is quite differ- 
ent. 

Harry. We have lived here in this bungalow as happy 
as two turtle doves, and yet I often find you crying. A 
woman doesn't cry for fun, so there must be a vital reason 
for it. What is it, love? 

Mercedes (takes his tie and puts it about his neck). Let 
me help you with your tie, Harry. It is quite plain you don't 
understand women — that is, some women, as well as you 
would have me believe. 

Harry. That may be true, but I can't help thinking I 
may have given you cause to rue our marriage. 

Mercedes. Don't be foolish, Harry. You are the dearest 
chap in all the world, and you have made me the happiest 
woman in California. 

Harry (apologetically). I know I'm a rough chap and 
this out of the way place in the Sierras is not just the home 
I had intended to provide for my bride ; but when I close 
that mining deal, we will go to town and live like real 
human beings. 

Mercedes s (putting -finishing touch to tie). We shall, 
Harry. You see, it wasn't so difficult to arrange your tie. 
Whatever would you do without me? 

Harry (picking up suitcase and stuffing various things 
into it). I see it all now! 

Mercedes (laughingly). I'm glad you do. 

Harry (eagerly). You're moping because I'm going to 
Goldsville to close up that deal. Isn't that so, Mercedes? 

Mercedes (sighingly) . Yes. I cannot bear to have you 
out of my sight, even for a day. 

Harry. That's what I thought. But I'll be back tomor- 
row, and then we'll arrange to go to Frisco, and we'll live 
like real swells at the best hotel, and have servants, and a 
butler, and maids, and hold receptions and give pink teas 
with a little real booze on the side, and a ride about in our 
own choo-choo wagon, with a chauffeur in a green uniform 
sitting in front. What do you think of that, Mercedes? 
(Takes her in his arms.) 

Mercedes (nestling close to him, a half sob in her voice) . 



8 THE ROAD AGENT 

A delightful picture, pet, but don't count your chickens 
before they're hatched. 

Harry. We're not in the chicken business now, sweet- 
heart; so don't worry about the hatching end of the game. 

Mercedes. Are you sure the syndicate won't* back 
down? 

Harry. Of course not! The contract's ready to be 
signed. Besides, what's a measley three hundred thousand 
dollars to a bunch of money kings from New York? The 
cards have been played and the game won, but the stakes 
are all for my little side partner. (Kisses her.) 

Sam (in disguised voice, off stage, C. in F.) Hallo! 

Mercedes (breaking away from him and running to win- 
dow, R. C. in F.). There's the stage, Harry. Hurry! 

Harry (hastily picking up suitcase, and with several 
things under his arms he goes to door, L. C. in F.). Good- 
by, Mercedes! (He opens door and yells off loudly.) Hold 
those horses, Bill, and I'll be with you in a jiffy! (To 
Mercedes/ who stands before him, her arms about his 
neck.) Don't worry about me or that deal, little one. I'll 
be back tomorrow night sound as a nut, believe me ! 

Mercedes (with emotion). I shall pray for your safe 
return, Harry. (Kisses him.) Goodby. 

Harry. Goodby ! (Exit L. C. in F., running, going L., 
off stage.) Here I am, Bill! (Mercedes stands at door 
waving a handkerchief off L. The voices of several men 
are heard off stage, among them Harry's. The crack of a 
whip is then heard, and sounds of stage moving, with tramp 
of horses' steps, producing a medley of sounds which die 
away gradually. When noise subsides, Mercedes turns 
down C, sighingly, her hand pressed to her heart, her 
manner shozving deep agitation.) 

Mercedes (coming down to table and fingering objects 
on it abstractedly). He does not suspect the truth! Ah, 
why in God's name did I conceal it from him — him, of all 
men. He had the right to know, and his brave heart would 
have understood and forgiven all ; But my weak woman's 
heart withheld the truth, fearing he might revile me as 
something to be scorned ! I was innocent of wrongdoing, 



THE ROAD AGENT 9 

and innocence knows no shame ! (After a pause.) He must 
learn my secret some day, for I shall reveal it unwittingly 
in my sleep perhaps. Should he then cast me off, well. — 
one can die only once, after all ! (She stands thoughtfully 
at table.) 

Enter Sam in back. He stands in front of window, which 
is open, and looks in doubtingly. He is a man of sixty 
years, shriveled up, lanky and dressed in typical western 
neglige costume, with revolver, top boots with spurs, white 
shirt, etc^ Mercedes turns up stage and starts when she 
sees him at window. 

Sam (taking off his hat). Beg pardon, mum, kin I come 
in? 

Mercedes (going to window). Who are you and what 
do you want? 

Sam. I'm Sam Stewart, Sheriff of Comanche County, 
mum. Hope I didn't skeer ye, mum? 

Mercedes (astonished). The Sheriff! Won't you come 
in, Mr. Stewart? 

Sam (bowing). Sure as shootin', mum. I kinder would 
like to have a powwow. (He turns L. and enters by door, 
L. C. in F.) 

Mercedes (aside, going to table). What does this visit 
mean ? Somehow, I am afraid — afraid ! (She turns and as 
Sam comes down C. she points to chair R. of table.) Wel- 
come, Mr. Stewart. 

Sam (going to R. of table, idly fingering his hat). Just 
call me Sam, fur short, mum. They all does. You be all 
alone, I reckon, mum ? 

Mercedes (surprised). Yes, all alone, Sam. 

Sam (ill at ease). Ye be Mrs. Ainsley, I take it, mum? 

Mercedes. Yes. 

Sam. I done knowed it. I jest came up by the stage as 
yer husband took, and I says to myself that this must be 
Harry Ainsley's dump, seem' I ain't never been here afore. 

Mercedes (laughingly). Ainsley's dump! You are com- 
plimentary, Sam. 

Sam (nervously). Begs pardon, mum. I meant shack. 



10 THE ROAD AGENT 

Ye see, I haint much of a figger in perlite sassiety sich as 
ye find in Frisco, and I hopes ye'll excuse them little tricks 
of speechifyin' my durned tongue gen'ally is guilty of, 'spe- 
cially when I've got too much of Jack Handy 's bug juice 
in my innards. Kin I sit down, mum? 

Mercedes. Certainly. (She sits L. of table, he sitting 
opposite her.) How may I be of service to you, sir? 

Sam. Wal, it's this way — ahem ! (He takes some docu- 
ments, including a photograph, from his pocket and looks at 
them doubtingly, at same time showing agitation.) I wants 
to ax ye a question. Air ye — is it — be it — (wiping his face 
with his coat sleeve)'. By the eternal! I'd ruther fight a 
gallon pailful of tarantulas in a boxcar than tackle ye about 
this business! 

Mercedes (astonished) . I do not understand, Sam. 

Sam (after a pause). Wall, to begin with — did ye ever 
know a galoot of the name of Bill Clark? 

Mercedes (starts in sudden fear). Bill Clark! Did you 
say Bill Clark ! 

Sam (nodding). Sure. Bill Clark, bad man, cutthroat, 
road agent. 

Mercedes (after a pause, irresolutely) . And if I should 
reply— no ? 

Sam. Then I should say, mum, that I hates to believe 
ye. (Offers her a photograph.) Did ye ever see that afore, 
mum? 

Mercedes (takes photograph, glances at it and drops it 
with a muffled cry). Merciful heavens! 

Sam (picking up photograph and placing it carefully in 
his pocket) . That is his picter and your'n, haint it ? 

Mecedes (sadly). Yes — his picture and mine, taken on 
our Wedding day in my mother's home in Iowa seven years 
ago. 

Sam (with satisfaction). Prezactly, mum. Ye be Bill 
Clark's wife. 

Mercedes (earnestly) . No, not his wife, but his widow! 
He was killed in the stage holdup at Ten-Mile Fork two 
years ago. 

Sam. Don't yer bet yer pile on that, mum. That wuz 



THE ROAD AGENT 11 

the report at the time, but his body haint yet been found, I 
reckon. 

Mercedes. Oh, yes it was ! Not at the time, I admit, 
but six months later a skeleton was found in a gully a half 
mile from the scene of the attempted holdup. The initials, 
"W. C," on the bootlegs proved beyond question that the 
skeleton was that of Bill Clark, my husband. 

Sam. Sure, that wuz what everybody thought at the 
time, mum ; but this chap whose boots were found must 
hev been wearing Bill's boots at the time — 

Mercedes (rising impatiently). Impossible! (She runs 
to sideboard and takes newspaper from drawer and returns 
to Sam, her manner greatly excited.) See! Here is a full 
account of the affair, the identification of the bones and the 
like. Shall I read it? 

Sam. It haint worth while, mum. I allow it wuz on the 
strength of that article in that noospaper that ye got spliced 
to Harry Ainsley three months ago? 

Mercedes (astonished). Why, of course. What better 
proof could I demand that I was a widow. The Coroner's 
jury found that the skeleton was Bill Clark's, and they 
recommend that the camp offer prayers of thanks for its 
merciful delivery from him. 

Sam. Sure, mum, ye be right, but did ye tell Ainsley 
that 'ye wuz the widow of a gun fighter, gambler and road 
agent ? 

Mercedes (sadly, as she tosses the nezvspaper upon the 
table). No! I dared not risk the loss of his respect — his 
love. 

Sam (shakes his head). It mought hev been better if ye 
hed done it, mum. Ye might hev saved both of ye a power- 
ful sight o' trouble. 

Mercedes (eagerly). What do you mean? 

Sam (after a painful pause). I mean that Bill Clark is 
alive ! 

Mercedes (staggers back a step or two, her hand upon 
her heart). M) God! It is untrue! You are testing me for 
some purpose of your own ; but beware how you trifle with 
a woman's heart! 



12 THE ROAD AGENT 

Clark appears at window and listens, taking care not to 
be seen. He is dressed in rough garments, has a dark wig 
and mustache and carries a revolver in his hand. He wears 
a white sombrero, much the worse for the wear. 

Sam. I hates to tell ye the truth, mum; but my dooty 
fo'ces me to — 

Mercedes {interrupting passionately). You are trying 
to deceive me! I tell you Bill Clark is dead! Have you 
proof to the contrary? 

Sam. Sure as shootin', mum. I see him alive an' kickin' 
last Tuesday night down Yreka way — 

Mercedes {dazed). It is impossible! 

Sam. I wuz hunting down the gang as stuck up Jim 
Hanks, the mail driver, three weeks ago, and when I goes 
into a saloon in the Flat, who should I plunk into but Bill 
Clark, alive as a rattlesnake and twice as ugly. 

Mercedes {sobbingly, at C). It is dreadful — madden- 
ing! 

Sam {rises and stands R. C). He must hev caught sight 
o' me, fur he vamoosed while I wuz talking to some o' the 
boys. I got onto his trail and here I be, mum. 

Mercedes {falls sobbingly into chair L. at table). You 
are killing me ! 

• Sam {earnestly) . Durn my skin, mum, I'd fight a stack 
o' wildcats to save ye a single tear, blister me if I wouldn't ! 
I hopes as how ye doesn't hold nothin' ag'in me fur telling 
of ye the truth? 

Mercedes {sobbingly). No, no! 

Sam {putting on his hat and preparing to leave). Thank 
ye, mum! These things sometimes gits on a man's nerves, 
but if anybody dares say to Sam Stewart's face that he'd 
knowingly do a woman dirt, I'd fill his hide so full o' holes 
that he wouldn't cast a shadder ! 

Clark, still at window, who has showed various emotions 
curing the foregoing scene between Mercedes and Sam, 
backs azvay from window, going R. As Sam goes up C. t 
Mercedes rises and follows him. 



THE ROAD AGENT 13 

Mercedes (gulpingly). I thank you with all my heart 
for your information, however terribly it has shocked me. 
Are you returning to Goldville? 

Sam. Arter I ketches Bill Clark, if so be he allows his- 
self to be ketched. I've got two men in the valley down 
thar (points L.), and if we gits sight o' Bill, he's our meat. 

Mercedes (breathlessly). You mean — ? 

Sam (significantly). I mean, mum, that we'll take him 
to the calaboose, or — kill him ! 

Mercedes (starts violently). Ah! 

Sam (goes to L. C. in P.). Good by, mum. (Aside.) 
Durn my skin ! I'll do him fur her sake, if I gets the chance ! 
(Exit L. C. in F.) 

Mercedes (stands at L. C. in F., looking off L.). My 
heart is breaking! Would that you might kill me instead, 
Sam Stewart! What is to become of me now? I am the 
wife of a road agent, and — of Harry Ainsley! Will Harry 
scorn me for my lack of faith in him — my cruel deception? 
(Turns down C. to table.) What shall I do? There is only 
one course open to me — I must leave this place forever! 
I must see Harry no more! (Goes to R. 2 E., tearfully.) 
God has punished me for my weakness and I must suffer 
the penalty, terrible though it be! (Exit R. 2 E.) 

Enter Clark at window from R. He stands, revolver in 
hand, looking off L. After a look he vaults into the room 
through the window, then stands and looks off L. furtively. 

Clark (as he looks off L.). I fancied Stewart had seen 
me, but I was mistaken. He and his men are following my 
back trail down the valley, and before they reach the ford, 
where they will discover their mistake, I shall be on my 
way across the range to the west, where the devil himself 
could not find me! (He looks off L. again, then apparently 
satisfied, he thrusts his revolver into the holster at his side 
and turns down C, looking cautiously about.) What was 
Stewart doing here, and who was the woman he was talk- 
ing with? Strange, but once or twice I fancied I had seen 
her before. Although I did not see her face, I could have 
sworn it was Mercedes. But that is impossible. I was told 



14 THE ROAD AGENT 

that she had returned east. (Sighs.) If I weren't half fam- 
ished, I might actually deplore her loss. I always did think 
so much of Mercedes. I fear I treated her badly. She was 
much too good for me. But pshaw ! It was all in the game 
of life and both of us held bad cards. (Sees sideboard, goes 
to it.) Hello! Looks like whiskey. (Picks up decanter, 
pours out liquor into glass and tastes it with evident satis- 
faction.) It is whiskey, and good stuff, too! (Drinks zvith 
great satisfaction. He fills the glass for the second time and 
drinks again.) Ah, how it fires my blood! 

Enter Mercedes, R. 2 E. She carries a small handbag, 
and a cloak, with hat. She goes to table, and then sees Clark 
at sideboard. She starts visibly in agitation. 

Mercedes (aside). It is he! My God, it is he! 

Clark (turning down C, and showing signs of intoxi- 
cation). I feel as if things were shaping themselves prop- 
erly again. I am ready to meet all comers now ! (Sees 
Mercedes, then draws his revolver quickly and approaches 
her.) Who the devil are you? (As she does not answer 
him, but turns away, he creeps closer toward her.) Who 
are you, I say? (He takes her by the arm and turns her 
face to face with him, starts back.) Mercedes ! You — you, 
of all women, the last I expected to meet here! 

Mercedes (stonily). And now that you have met me, 
what are you going to do about it? 

Clark (laughingly) . Why, why, I'm going to enjoy your 
delightful society, my love. This is a pleasure I long since 
thought cruel fate had denied me forever. (He places 
revolver on table.) So you did not return east after news 
of my supposed death reached you? 

Mercedes, No. (She eyes revolver on table and edges 
toward it as Clark goes to C). 

Clark (laughingly). They thought they had killed me 
on the day of the holdup, but it was my chum, Jack Wolf. 
I did not regret it either, for the scoundrel had stolen my 
boots, and tried to hold up the stage all by himself. When 
I heard the shots, I cut across the mountain and went to 



THE ROAD AGENT 15 

Oregon to wait for the storm to blow over. (Goes to side- 
board and takes another drink.) 

Mercedes (runs to table noiselessly, picks revolver, and 
hiding it behind her, turns and looks L. — aside). Let him 
beware ! 

Clark (coming down C. and facing her laughingly) . Now, 
Mercedes, let us come to terms. How beautiful you are! 
(Steps toward her, she retreating before him.) Do you 
know I'm dying to take you in my arms? (He advances 
another step towards her.) 

Mercedes (at R. C, aiming revolver at his breast). Stand 
back! 

Clark (startled). Well, I'm damned! 

Mercedes. Not yet, Bill, but you may be soon! Lay a 
ringer on me and you die ! 

Clark (whiningly) . This is a fine way to treat your hus- 
band whom you thought dead and who returns unexpect- 
edly after an absence of two long years. (Crosses to sofa, 
picks up hat and looks at it. ) A man's hat ! I see it all 
now. (Looks into hat.) Harry Ainsley! Who the devil 
is he? 

Mercedes (frigidly). My husband ! 

Clark (laughs uproariously) . Your husband! What the 
deuce then am I? 

Mercedes. A scoundrel who merits death! 

Clark. Oh, talk about melodrama ! This has it skinned 
a mile. Ainsley is her husband, while I — I — am a scoundrel 
who merits death ! 

Mercedes (angrily). I wish to heaven they had killed 
you instead of Jack Wolf ! 

Clark. That is a bloodthirsty wish, Mercedes. It is 
unworthy of you. 

Mercedes. I curse the day we met, for you have ruined 
my life ! 

Clark (angrily). Come, I've enough of this tommyrot! 
You and I shall leave this place together — 

Mercedes (interrupting). I shall die first! All is over 
between us from this day henceforth ! Leave this house ! 



16 THE ROAD AGENT 

Clark (significantly). When you go with me and not 
before, Mercedes. 

Mercedes (firmly, as she points revolver at him). Go! 

Clark (laughs nervously). Ah, stop your joking. You 
don't intend to turn me over to Sam Stewart and his blood- 
hounds, do you? (After a pause.) Maybe you want to do 
it, since my death would legalize your marriage to Harry 
Ainsley. 

Mercedes (agitated). It's very good of you to remind 
me of that ! Go ! 

Clark (goes to window and looks off L.). They are 
hounding me to my death, but they shall not catch me nap- 
ping! No, by God! I'll foil them yet! (Runs savagely 
down stage to Mercedes). Give me my gun, Mercedes! 
It's the only thing that stands between me and death at 
the hands of these fiends who are on my trail ! I can't die 
here weaponless like a rat in a trap. Come, be reasonable. 
Give me my gun. 

Mercedes. On two conditions. 

Clark (eagerly). I grant them beforehand! I'll give 
up anything, even you, for my gun ! 

Mercedes. You must agree never to cross my path 
again. 

Clark (laughingly.) Granted. 

Mercedes Second, you must promise never to reveal to 
a living soul that you are my husband, I your wife. 

Clark. That's easy, Mercedes. I agree. Give me my 
gun. 

Mercedes (throzving gun on table). There it is! 
(Goes C). 

Clark (taking up revolver with extravagant pleasure). 
Good! (His manner changes suddenly and he turns upon 
Mercedes at C. in anger.) So, my girl, you made a fool of 
me ! But you had the drop on me and I was forced to give in. 
What's to hinder me from blowing a hole through that pretty 
head of yours? (He puts revolver to her forehead.) 

Mercedes (unshrinkingly, as she looks him squarely in 
the eye). You don't dare, you coward! 






THE ROAD AGENT 17 

Clark (angrily). Have a care, my girl! I may kill you 
yet ! 

Mercedes (laughs scornfully). You haven't the nerve, 
you beast! 

Clark (savagely). How do know? 

Mercedes. Because the sound of the shot would bring 
Stewart and his men here, and they would avenge me by 
shooting you as they would a mad dog! 

Clark (laughs nervously and places revolver in holster). 
You're right, Mercedes. You always were too much for 
me at argument — 

Sam (off stage, L. U. E., faintly). Hallo! 

Clark (draws revolver and runs to window, looking 
cautiously L.). It's Stewart! He's coming this way! I've 
lingered too long, and all is lost! (Turns down to Mer- 
cedes at C). Save me, Mercedes! I can't fight that tiger 
in human form! When I look into his eyes, my blood 
freezes and my muscles refuse to act, so that I become 
powerless as a child! Hide me from him — hide me! (He 
runs about in agony of fear.) 

Mercedes {aside, as she watches him). I once loved that 
man, but ah, how low have we sunk ! What shall I do to 
retrieve myself? Shall I regain my freedom by giving 
him up to certain death ? Oh, I don't know what to do ! 

Clark (falling on his knees before her, at C). Save me, 
Mercedes ! If you ever loved me, show it now. 

Sam (offstage, L. U. E., more loudly). Hallo! 

Mercedes (scornfully). Don't appeal to me on the 
strength of the love for you I once had, which has died in 
my heart ! I knew you were a card sharp, thief and assassin, 
but I did not suspect that you were the detestable coward 
you are ! You are beneath my contempt, but I can only pity 
you. Come! (She opens door, R. 2 E., and points off.) 
This is my bedroom — there is the window ! While I detain 
Stewart, you may escape to the hills ! 

Clark (running to R. 2 E., with savage laugh). I'll 
cheat the devil yet (Takes Mercedes' hand and kisses it, 
she withdrawing from him with loathing.) Forgive me the 
suffering I have caused you ! It's too late now, I suppose, 



18 THE ROAD AGENT 

but I never realized that I was throwing a treasure away 
when I forfeited your respect and love ! Goodby ! (Exit 
R. 2 E.) 

Mercedes (closing door and locking it, withdrawing key). 
Goodby ! May we never meet again. I have done my duty, 
even though my heart rebelled at the task! May God for- 
give him — and me ! (She walks to window and looks off L.). 

Enter Sam, L. C. in F. He comes down C, looks about, 
then turns and sees Mercedes, who walks slowly down C. 

Sam (to Mercedes). Sorry to trouble you ag'in, mum, 
but it's important, and I hopes as ye'll forgive me. 

Mercedes (laughs nervously). Forgive you for doing 
your duty, Mr. Stewart! I beg you will consult your con- 
venience and not mine. What can I do for you? 

Sam (significantly) . Whar did ye hide him, mum? 
•Mercedes (indignantly). Hide him! What do you 
mean ? 

Sam (admiringly) . Geewhiz! Ye be a good play actor, 
mum ! But I think I see into your game. Where is he ? 

Mercedes (walking to R. 2 E., and standing with her 
back to the door). You speak in riddles, Mr. Stewart. I'm 
no mind reader. Whom do you mean? 

Sam (somewhat angrily). You balky wimmin sure do git 
on my nerves. In course, ye knows I mean Bill Clark. 

Mercedes. Bill Clark ! How ridiculous ! Did you expect 
to find him here? 

Sam. I sure did, mum, and what's more, I'm going to 
find him. (Goes to L. U. E.). I'll search this room. (He 
draws revolver and exits L. U. E.). 

Mercedes (listening at door, R. 2 E. — aside). He must 
have made his escape by this -time ! Still, I must spar for 
time! 

Enter Sam, L. U. E. He crosses to R. 2 E. 

Mercedes (to Sam, laughingly). You have not found 
him, Mr. Stewart, in my husband's room? 

Sam (savagely). Naw ! But that don't count. There's 
another room, and ye're guarding it. Step aside, mum. 

Mercedes (indignantly). It is my bedroom, and I per- 
mit no one to enter it, Mr. Stewart. 






THE ROAD AGENT 19 

Sam (thrusting Mercedes to one side and looking at key- 
hole). By jingo! It's locked. Whar's the key, mum? 

Mercedes (defiantly) . You shall not get it from except 
by force ! 

Sam. I hates to use force with a woman, and she Mrs. 
Ainsley. (He looks about nonplused, but apparently struck 
by a new idea, he turns to Mercedes). By jingo! Strange, 
I did n't think of it afore ! 

Mercedes (surprised). Think of what? 

Sam. That there's a window in that room facing the 
range, and if he goes that way, he's a dead man ! 

Mercedes (starts). A dead man! 

Sam (at C, significantly) . I've got my two men stationed 
downthar in the valley, and if they git a sight of him, 
they'll pink him sure as God made little apples ! 

Mercedes (anxiously). No, No! 

Sam. I knew he was doubling on the trail, so I went 
down the trail yonder (points off L. U. E.), jist as a blind. 
If Bill Clark ever thought he was fit to match cards with 
Sam Stewart, he's got another guess comin', I reckon. 

Mercedes (running to R. 2 E., and opens door fever- 
ishly). He is here! You must not let them murder him! 

Sam (looking off R. 2 E.). The window is open — the 
room empty! He's escaped! 

Mercedes (excitedly grasping Sam and forcing him up- 
stage). You must save him for humanity's sake! Run, run 
to the valley and warn your men not to fire ! He will not 
offer resistance ! 

Sam (amazed). Wall, I'll be jiggered! You want me to 
save the pup, when his death will free ye? I jist kaint 
understand ye, mum. 

Mercedes (passionately). I despise him, but I must save 
him despite myself, if I can! Run, run! 

Mercedes is forcing Sam up C. excitedly, and they are 
well up C, when a faint shot is heard off R. Both start in 
excitement. 

Sam. I reckon it's too late, mum ! 

Mercedes (sobbingly). Too late! (Two shots are fired 



20 THE ROAD AGENT 

off R. Sam puts up his revolver and watches Mercedes 
at C). 

Sam (to Mercedes). That last shot was from Hank's 
gun, mum, and it spelled death to somebody, I reckon. If 
Bill Clark lives, I'll give up my job instanter! (Exit, L. C. 
in F.) 

Mercedes (at C, in agony of trepidation). I would have 
saved him if I could, but heaven opposed it! For the sake 
of the old days, I hope he has made his escape. 

Enter Harry, L. C. in F. He carries a suitcase, and 
drops it as he come down C. toward Mercedes, who turns 
to him in astonishment. , 

Harry (embracing Mercedes). Here I am home again, 
sweetheart. 

Mercedes (falls sobbingly on his breast). Harry! 

Harry (annoyed). Gosh hang it! Crying again! What's 
happened? (He assists her to sofa and she sits down, he 
standing before her.) 

Mercedes (recovering herself). There was a road agent 
here just now and he frightened me horribly. 

Harry (after a pause). Oh, you mean Bill Clark, the 
chap Sam Stewart told me he was after? I heard three 
shots just now as I came up the trail. Maybe they've got 
him. 

Mercedes. Perhaps, Harry. What brought you home? 

Harry. We lost a wheel three miles below and as we 
were obliged to wait three hours for repairs, I decided to 
run back and say goodby to you again. 

Enter Sam, L. C. in F. He comes down C, eyeing 
Mercedes significantly. 

Harry (to Sam). Hello, Sam! My wife's been telling 
me about Bill Clark nearly frightening her out of her wits. 
Did he get away? 

Sam (after pause). Naw. 

Mercedes (anxiously). You mean — ? 

Sam (putting his finger to, his mouth warningly as Harry 
turns his back upon him). He's dead! 

Mercedes (hysterically). He's dead! Harry, he's dead! 



THE ROAD AGENT 21 

Harry (lifting her up and embracing her, both stand- 
ing C). And that's the last of the road agent. (They stand 
C, in embrace, Sam watching them, as he walks from R. to 
L. upstage until — ) 

Curtain. 



All A Mistake 

By W. C. PARKER. 
Price, 25 Cents 

Farce- comedy, 3 acts; 4 m., 4 f. Time, about 2 h. Scenes: Easy 
to set. Lawn at "Oak Farm" and drawing-room. Characters: 
Capt. Obadiah Skinner, a retired sea captain. Lieut. George Rich- 
mond, his nephew, who starts the trouble. Richard Hamilton, a 
country gentleman. Ferdinand Lighthead, who falls in love don- 
cherknow. Nellie Richmond, George's wife. Nellie Huntington, a 
friend. Nellie Skinner, antiquated but still looking for a man. 
Nellie Mclntyre, a servant. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — The arrival of George and his bride. A friend in need. 
The old maid and her secret. Ferdy in search of a wife. George's 
jealousy. The sudden appearance of a most undesirable party. 
George's quick wit prevents discovery. 

Act II. — The plot thickens. Cornelia in search of her "Romeo." 
The downfall of Ferdy. Richard attempts to try the "soothing 
system" on a lunatic. George has a scheme connected with a fire 
in the furnace and some pitch tar. Richard runs amuck amid gen- 
eral confusion. 

Act III. — The Captain arms himself with a butcher knife and 
plans revenge. Nellie hopelessly insane. The comedy duel. "Ro- 
meo" at last. "Only one Nellie in the world." The unraveling of 
a skein of mystery, and the finish of an exciting day, to find it was 
'All a Mistake." 

A Busy Liar 

By GEORGE TOTTEN SMITH. 
Price, 25 Cents 

Farce-comedy, 3 acts; 7 m., 4 f. Time, 2*4 h. Scenes: Easy to 
set, 1 exterior, 2 interiors. Characters: Simeon Meeker, who told 
one lie. Judge Quakely. Senator Carrollton. Macbeth, a hot-headed 
Scotchman. Dick, in a matrimonial tangle. William Trott, a re- 
cruit. Job Lotts, another one. Mrs. MacFarland, everybody's 
friend. Tennie, with a mind of her own. Janet, a Scotch lassie. 
Mrs. Early, a young widow. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Off to the war. A paternal arrangement of marriage. 
Janet of the Macbeth clan. Some complications. Meeker and the 
Widow. A lapse from truth. Meeker made captain. "You are 
afraid to go." "Afraid? Never!" 

Act II. — In camp. Captain Meeker and strict discipline. The 
Widow, the Judge and the Senator court-martialed. The Widow 
wins. Another lie and more complications. An infuriated Scotch- 
man. "You held her in your arms." "She is my wife." 

Act III. — The ball. "Not military matters, but matrimony." 
"Another of Meeker's fairy stories." The Captain in kilts. "The 
funniest thing I ever saw." The Widow untangles a tangle of lies. 
A lass for every lad. Peace proclaimed. Meeker remains "at the 
base of supplies." 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



The Heiress of Hoetown 

By HARRY L. NEWTON AND JOHN PIERRE ROACH. 
Price, 25 Cents 

A rural comedy, 3 acts; 8 m., 4 f. Time, 2 h. Scenes: 2 ex- 
teriors. Characters: Jimmie Blake, a physical culturist. Jack 
Wright, a civil engineer. Ezra Stonyboy, the postmaster. Count 
Picard, waiting at the church. Corporal Cannon, a veteran. White 
Blackstone, dealer in titles. Congressman Drybottle, a power in 
politics. Doolittle Much, constable and proprietor of the village 
hack. Mary Darling, an heiress. Jane Stonyboy, with ideas. Tillie 
Tung, the village pest. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Borrowing a screen door. Blackstone, a dealer in titles. 
Mary comes back home. Blackstone wants Jimmie to travel for his 
health. "One hundred thousand dollars as expense money." "No, 
I am going to a strawberry festival and that's worth more to me." 
The lost necklace. The proprietor of the village hack discovers 
something. "She's a fine gal, she is." 

Act II. — The Strawberry Festival. Blackstone schemes a quick 
marriage. A busy time for Doolittle Much. "Search that man, 
Constable!" The necklace is found on the wrong man. "Any man 
caught with no visible means of support can be arrested as a com- 
mon vag." The Count is "pinched." 

Act III. — The siege of Hoetown. The Count works out his fine 
on the highway. "Shark, you're a liar!" The financial panic and 
the loss of Mary's money. The Count and Blackstone get "cold 
feet" and hike for old Broadway. Mary loses her home. "Come 
on, kid, I've got carfare." 

Mirandy's Minstrels 

By SOPHIE HUTH PERKINS. 

Price, 25 Cents 

A Female Minstrel entertainment. A complete ladies' minstrel 
show, full of novel ideas for costumes, finale, etc. Contains new 
jokes, gags, cross-fires, monologues and stump speeches. Ending 
with a most laughable farce, "Mrs. Black's Pink Tea," for 10 
female characters, which is a gem of humor. Those that have 
"put on" female minstrels and know the difficulty of obtaining suit' 
able material, will be delighted with this book. It is highly humor- 
ous, yet refined enough for any audience. 

The Third Degree 

By MAYME RIDDLE BITNEY. 

Price, 25 Cents 

A female burlesque initiation; 12 f. and any number of members. 
Time, about 40 m. Scene: Any lodge room. Characters: Head 
Officer, Instructors, Assistants, Marshal, Doorkeepers, etc. It is 
unique, as it cz,a be used as an initiation for any society or lodge or 
as an entertainment. Brim full of fun and action, yet not too bois- 
terous. Will please all women. 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 

154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO 



UNISON'S " , 
/AUDEVILLEfl 






Dentson's 
Vaudeville Sketches 

Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid. 

Nearly all of these sketches were written for profes- 
sionals and have been given with great success oy vaude- 
ville artists of note. They are essentially dramatic and 
very funny; up-to-date comedy. They are not recom- 
mended for church entertainments; however, they con- 
tain nothing that will offend, and are all within tha 
range of amateurs. 

DOINGS OF A DUDE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 2 m., 1 f. 
Time 20 m. Scene: Simple interior. Maizy Von Billion of athletic tenden- 
cies is expecting a boxing instructor and has procured Bloody Mike, a prize 
fighter, to " try him out." Percy Montmorency, her sister's ping pong teacher, 
U mistaken for the boxing instructor and has a "trying Out" that is a sur- 
prise. A whirlwind of fun and action. 

FRESH TIMOTHY HAY.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L.Newton; 2m., 
1 f. Time 20 m. /Scene: Simple rural exterior. By terms of a will, Rose 
Lark must marry Reed Bird or forfeit a legacy. Rose and Reed have never 
met and when he arrives Timothy Hay, a fresh farm hand, mistakes him for 
Pink Eye Pete, a notorious thief. Ludicrous lines and rapid action. 

GLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m., 1 f. Time 25 m. Scene: Simple interior. Char- 
lotte Russe, an actress, is scored by a dramatic paper. With "blood in her eye" 
she seeks the critic at the office, finds no one in and smashes a window. Jacob 
Glickman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is mistaken for the critic. Pan, 
jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity. A great Jew part. 

THE GODDESS OF LOVE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m., 
If. Time 15 m. Scene: Simple exterior. Aphrodite, a Greek goddess, is a 
statue in the park. According to tradition a gold ring placed upon her finger 
will bring her to life. Knott Jones, a tramp, wbo bad slept in the park all 
night, brings her to life. A rare combination of the beautiful and the best of 
comedy. Novel, easy to produce and a great hit. «*► 

HEY, RUBE!— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton ;°1 m. Time 15 m. Reuben 
Spinach from Yapton visits Chicago for the first time. The way he tells of 
the sights and what befell him would make a sphinx laugh. 

IS IT RAINING?— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 1 m., 1 f. 
Time 10 m. Otto Swimorebeer, a German, Susan Fairweather, a friend of 
his. This act runs riot with fun, gags, absurdities and comical lines. 

MARRIAGE AND AFTER.— Monologue, by Harry L. Newton and A. S. 
Hoffman; 1 m. Time about 10 m. A laugh every two seconds on a subject 
which appeals to all. Pull of local hits. 

ME AND MY DOWN TRODDEN SEX.— Old maid monologue, by Harry L. 
Newton; 1 f. Time 5 m. Polly has lived long enough to gather a few facts 
about men, which are told in the most laughable manner imaginable. 

AN OYSTER STEW.— A rapid fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton and 
A. S. Hoffman; 2 in. Time 10 m. Dick Tell, a knowing chap. Tom Askit, 
not so wise. This act is filled to overflowing with lightning cross-fires, 
pointed puns and hot retorts. 

PICKLES FOR TWO.— Dutch rapid-fire talking act, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 2 m. Time 15 m. Hans, a German mixer. Gus, another 
one. Unique ludicrous Dutch dialect, interspersed with rib-starting witti- 
cisms. The style of act made famous by Weber and Field. 

THE TROUBLES OF ROZINSKL— Jew monologue, by Harry L. Newton 
and A. S. Hoffman; 1 m. Time 15 m. Rozinski, a buttonhole-maker, is 
forced to join the union and go on a " strike." He has troubles every minute 
fcfaat will tickle the ribs of both Labor and Capital. 

WORDS TO THE WISE.— Monologue, by Barry L. Newton; 1 m. Time 
about 15 m. A typical vaudeville talking act, which is fat with funny line? 
tod rich rare hits that will be remembered and laughed over for weeks. , 

T. S. DENISON a COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Each. Postpaid. Unless Different Price is Given. 



Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 
Fun in a Photograph Gallery, 

30 min 6 10 

Great Doughnut Corporation, 

30 min 3 5 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
<ireat Pumpkin Case, 30 min. ..12 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Is the Editor In? 20 min 4 2 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min.... 5 1 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 

Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. Carver's Fancy Ball, 40 m. 4 3 
Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 

min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 1 hr 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min... 3 3 

My Turn Next, 45 min 4 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 min. 3 2 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min... 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min.. 6 3 

Regular Fix, 35 min... 6 4 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Slasher and Crasher, 50 min... 5 2 

Taking. Father's Place, 30 min.. 5 3 

Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min. 4 1 

Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. . 4 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min 3 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min ..32 

Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 

Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marry? 20 min. 2 8 

Who Is Who? 40 min 3 2 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES. MON- 
OLOGUES. ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 

M. F. 

Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.10 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. . 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min.. 1 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 

Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 

Doings of a Dude, 20 min 2 1 

Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 

Five Minutes from Yell College, 

15 min 2 

For Reform, 20 min 4 

Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min... 2 1 
Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. . 1 1 
Handy Andy (Negro), 12 min.. 2 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 

Home Run, 15 min 1 1 

Hot Air, 25 min 2 1 

Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 

Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Marriage and After, 10 min... 1 
Mischievous Nigger, 25 min... 4 2 

Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 

Mr. Badger's Uppers, 40 min.. 4 2 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min.. 4 

Oyster Stew, 10 min . 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10 



1 



Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 

Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 
Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 

Recruiting Office, 15 min 2 

Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min. . . .' 2 

Stage Struck Darky, lO^mm... 2 1 
Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min... 1 

Time Table, 20 min .1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 15 min... 3 

Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 

Uncle Bill at the Vaudeville, 15 

min 1 

Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 

Who Gits de Reward? 30 min.. 5 1 



A great number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed in 

Denison's Catalogue. 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. 154 W. Randolph St., Chicago 



POPULAR ENTERTAINMENT BOOKS 

Price, Illustrated Paper Covers, 25 cents each 




IN this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



DIALOGUES 



All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

New, clever; for young people. 
Children's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
The Friday Afternobn Dialogues. 

50,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues and recitations. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Brand new, original, successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 

The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues.dialogues. 

Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 

The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 

The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 
For pupils of all ages. 

Humorous Monologues. 
Particularly for ladies. 

Monologues for Young Folks. 
Clever, humorous, original. 

The Patriotic Speaker. 

Master thoughts of masterminds. 

The Poetical Entertainer. 
For reading or speaking. 

Pomes ov the Peepul. 

Wit, humor, satire; funny poems. 

Scrap- Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, poe- 
try. 14 Nos., per No. 25c. 



DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys* Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Plans, invitations, decorations, 

games. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Entertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
The Little Folks, or Work and Play. 

A gem of a book. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Swaying 

Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

HAND BOOKS 

The Debater's Handbook. 

Bound only in cloth, 50c. 
Everybody's Letter Writer. 

A handy manual. 
Good Manners. 

Etiquette in brief form. 
Private Theatricals. 

How to put on plays. 
Social Card Games. 

Complete in brief form. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

Black American Joker. 

Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

Monologues, stump speeches.etc. 
Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The NeW Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Large Illustrated Catalogue Free. 



T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 154 W. Randolph St. Chicago 



